When you’re gone
by AbbyGibbs
Summary: Why do we always realize what we had when we’ve lost it? And when you know you can’t go back, and there is no second chance?


When you're gone

Author: CSISteph aka AbbyGibbs

Disclaimers: Well, I do not own them and that is pretty unfair – they belong to Anthony E. Zuiker and every single one person that contributed to make the show the success it is! Could someone, please tell me why they always have to torture the characters mentally and emotionally as well as the viewers?

Classification: drama and a hint of romance.

Pairing: Warrick/Catherine kind of.

**Warning**: Character's dead.

Rating: T (+13 as always to be on the safe side, isn't it?)

Spoilers: end of season 8

Summary: Why do we always realize what we had when we've lost it? And when you know you can't go back, and there is no second chance?

**Author's note: **I haven't seen season 9 yet, so be kind, okay? I mean, I'm gonna go on guessing so bare with me, please. I've seen the last episode of season 8 and I was utterly chocked and disgust. So this is my way to fix it—a little—I'm not gonna change the end or anything, but I'm gonna add a little scene.

**Sorry, there's no beta for this one, I still haven't found one; I hope it won't be too horrible.**

Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course – who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.

******

Catherine Willows' world had just shattered into a billion pieces. Her only certitude in life had just been brutally ripped away from her. Now here is was, on her knees in the middle of her bedroom rocking herself back and forth in the foolish hope that it would make the pain she was feeling go away.

*-*-*-*

She had managed to keep her emotions under control all day, but now…

She'd just finished to clean up the her bedroom a little, and as she went to gather up the clothes that were lying on the ground to put them in the laundry room, Catherine notice something on the ground near one of the closets. It was some sort of a white piece of paper… letting go for the clothes she had gather together in her hands, she approached the closet, crouched down and reached for the white paper.

As Cath picked it up, she realized that it wasn't just any kind of paper, it was a picture. When she flipped around her heart shattered into a billion pieces all over again. Her eyes filled with tears as she felt as if all the air had been sucked out of her longs.

_Why? Why did you leave me? I needed you. I *still* need you. Now I feel so empty, there's a giant hole inside of me that nothing seems to be able to fill in again. What am I supposed to do now that you're gone? I can't do this anymore. I never got why Sara left until today. I always thought that I was making a difference by giving the families that were left behind some answers, but now I realize that it doesn't really help at all. Yeah, you tell the people that you've put the monster that killed your beloved one behind bars, but we can't give them the life, the love of the person they lost back, so why do we actually do it?_

Tears were now, once again, rolling down Catherine's cheeks. The pain at came back at full force as she'd looked at the photography in her hands. She had her right arms resting on his waist holding him tightly against her, and he had one arm around her shoulders. Both were smiling at her camera as Nick was taking a picture of them. What no one knew back then is that it would be one of the last moments they were all sharing together.

Fate had other plans for one of them. His would end abruptly a few hours later. An no one or nothing would be able to change that.

_I didn't get it until you became one of the victims. We've all worked on the case to nail whoever did that to you. And we finally catch that basterd, but it didn't change a thing: you were still gone and the pain was still there, and even sharper and vivid than before. Now, I have to live without you and I have absolutely no clue how to do that._

_It hurts too much. I miss you, so much; it feels as if a part of me is missing. Why did you have to leave me like that, Warrick, I didn't even had the chance to tell you that I loved you. I wish I could go back in time and tell you how much you meant to me. How much I loved you, but now it's too late. Nothing and no one can bring you back, but…_

Catherine held the picture of Warrick and her against her heart. She slowly got up as he on autopilot, and went to the bathroom and opened her closet where she kept her medicines. She looked into it for a few moments then she took the bottle of sleeping piles didn't bother to close the cupboard before going to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water.

Heading to the living room Catherine went in search of a sheet of paper and a pencil as she found what she needed she sat at the table set the picture on the hard platform of wood, looked at it one more time and slowly began to write...

_**Hey, honey, **_

_**I hope that one day you'll be able to find the strength to forgive me for this, for my selfishness, but I can't keep going anymore. My life has not purpose anymore. They say that you never realize what you get until it's too late and that you've lost it. Well it's true, Lindsay.**_

_**So darlin' if someday, you find someone that you love tell him before it's too late, don't spend your life wondering what it could have been, just tell him or her. **_

_**Grissom will take good care of you I promise. I know we never really got along really well lately because I've never really been there as a mother should be, but never ever doubt the fact that I loved you.**_

_**Have a wonderful long life sweetheart, your mother who loved you very much.**_

Folding the sheet of paper neatly, she put it in an envelope before writing her daughter's name on it. Then she took another piece of paper and wrote a letter to Grissom asking him to take care of her beloved daughter, and tell him that if he still loved Sara, he should run after her, and stay with her until his turn to die will come, because losing the love of your life and never been able to touch, kiss him or tell him that you do love him is too painful.

She also explained that she definitely understood Sara's decision to leave Vegas, and told him as he would go after Sara he should take Lindsay with him. Take her far from Las Vegas wouldn't be a bad idea.

_Tell the team I'll miss them. I'll miss working with Nick and I'll miss my little war with Greg to figure out who would have the most different hair styles._

She ended her letter by thanking him for all he had done, and wishing all the best in the world. The envelope found its place next to the one she'd written for her daughter.

Thirty minutes later, Catherine was back in her room, lying on her bed, eyes closed with a peaceful smile on her face.

That's how Grissom found her that night as he came to check out on her.

The end

4


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